Temple Consulting

Thank you. My feelings are all over the board and I don’t really know how to start. I'm currently reading your book "The Marriage Turnaround." My husband and I have been having problems which seem to have started this past year. This was our 10 year anniversary and that seems to have made it even harder to cope with. Anyway, we've been trying to work on it a little at a time but to get a man to communicate (no offense to you or others) is really hard. How do I get him to talk about it without seeming like I’m dwelling on it? During one of those times where we were talking I asked him if he still loved me. I've asked several times since then and he always says yes but he only tells me when I tell him first. He's never been like that. I've even mentioned that to him but so far that hasn't changed. I also mentioned to him that being “in love with me” is different than just loving me. I previously asked him if he's had an affair, an emotional affair, or if he's interested in someone else. He said no and that he wouldn't still be here if that was the case. We've always promised each other that if we got to that point that we would tell each other before we crossed that line.
The thing is we made some changes to our phone bill so of course I pulled our statement to review to make sure everything is right. I noticed on his text messages there are several from this one number and I recognized it being someone he works with. When I say several messages I mean 2146 out of 2500 where my number is 144 out of 2500. This includes texts on weekends so I can definitely say it’s not work related. To me, this sounds like an emotional affair.
We were friends before we ever started dating and I feel that she has taken my place in that dept. The other day I even reminded him that we were friends first and I still want to be that friend along with being his wife. I also mentioned that I felt that he enjoyed talking with people including females at work more so than me.
I'm planning on confronting him but I’m a little nervous thinking that he’ll think I'm checking up on him or being nosey which actually I came across it honestly…but since I found those text I went back and checked previous bills and it did start when I kind of suspected something but I never checked until now. I've always trusted him totally. Also I think this explains something that happened the other night. I asked to see his phone to see if I would like to have one like his, well he wouldn’t let me see it without him being right there stating “I don’t want you to mess anything up etc.” Well now I know why and I want to point this out as well.
I know we’re both at fault for where we’re at and we’ve both admitted to that. We both said hurtful things although when we first started discussing our problems he brought mine up. So, I told him what he used to say that hurt me and that I had always overlooked it because at times he was joking with others when he would say it, but it was still on the same lines of what I said. He didn’t seem to remember saying it.
Anyway, I’m planning on confronting him tonight about the text messaging and asking him to explain and that I feel that it is an “emotional affair.” I want to tell him to nip it or to choose her or me. Although at the same time, I don’t mind them being friends because they work together and I’ve always considered us to be friends (Is this wrong or too dangerous). I also know that her marriage is not on the best terms. I love my husband more than anything in the world and I pray that this doesn’t make him want to go in the other direction.

So maybe you’ll get this post in time and be able to offer advice even though it’s a little late. I’m sorry this was a long post but it could’ve been longer.
Thank you so much.